I mean a normal day of school in my world. My mother, three sisters and I had been on welfare since my father left and at a point in the process that the state would come get us out of class to get a new pair of shoes. They would make it known to everyone what was happening and would always come during class. I realize now how much I was dealing with and how far from normal I actually was? I had created a routine for myself to appease the obvious shortcomings in my life. I was angry at so many people and acted out in ways you wouldn’t imagine a 6 year old boy should, would or could do. My life changed when I was 4 and no one would listen. I can still feel the horrible and scary feelings that filled my head and the frustration to make anyone listen to me. I am amazed at what I did between the ages of 4 to 6 . I feel it is my rite of passage, my responsibility and the therapy to put it to rest, finally.
I just acted out all the time and one of my first was at school. I was so angry at everyone and especially the people and places in my life that were authority figures to me. I had started to regularly walk out of class and leave the school grounds. I would continue to do this from Kindergarten through the 1st grade. I would wander the neighborhood surrounding the school and would wait for the school teacher to come chasing. I guess she was one of the authority figures that just happened to be in front of me at the time or that period of my life. Which ever Im sure I made her hate her job and for that, I’m sorry. I stopped the leaving the day after she stopped chasing me. I was 6 and had no clue that I was not normal. As I grew so did the the fire within me.
I would test every boundary as I did one day before school. We lived on one of the highest hills in the city and mind you this was the black hills and there were hills everywhere. My sisters and I were always the first kids in the line for morning breakfast and being on welfare it was one of the best meals we had in a day and it was free. One morning My oldest sister and I decided we were going to race to school. We normally walked but, I was on a bike I had just stolen because at 6 I was obviously pissed off and I stole everything. I was a fan of big wheels and well, anything you could ride in the neighborhood I stole repeatedly. I did not get my own bike until I was a teenager. I pedaled all the way down the hill that morning as hard as I could. I hate to say what motivated me but, it was a silly dare and I took it to the nth degree. When I reached the bottom of the hill I was going so fast the windshield principal took effect. I was going so fast that I could not see in front of me at all, I could only get glimpses of still shots when I turned my head from side to side. It was estimated that I was doing nearly 50 mph at the bottom of the hill. After reaching the bottom of the hill there was still several blocks before a main intersection. Time went by at a crawl and I felt like I had time to do and think about anything. In my mind I could envision the intersection and honestly I just decided I was going through it no matter what! What happened next was front page news!
pg. 2
This boys story. 